Meetings in Lorien
by Lessa Solarem
Summary: Challenge Fic! Read and review! Watch the language! It's not bad, considering. I added an Alternate Ending! YAY!!! ~COMPLETE~ I hate all flamers!
1. Meetings in Lorien

A/N: This is in response to a challenge on SkyFire's homepage. I saw it and I had to do it. Here goes nothin': This is my first challenge fic. "Sauron is lustfully pursued by Eowyn while eating lunch in Lothlorien."  
  
The Great Evil son of a bitch named Sauron was chilling, attempting to decide where to eat lunch. He looked at the list of restaurants, and decided on the Lorien Café in the Elven realm of Lothlorien. He hitched up a horse, gathered up his Nazgul, and headed on over. He walked up to the desk and said, "Party of ten, smoking, please."  
  
The gorgeous Elf waitress led them to their table and set menus down in front of them. They looked over it and placed their orders. They sat back and began to relax, chatting unconcernedly, when Sauron noticed a golden haired girl who was not an Elf looking at him. He stifled a groan. Eowyn. He'd seen her in the palantir. She'd been in love with Aragorn Elessar, that damned Ranger, and now she was. . .making eyes at him? Wait, wasn't she a good guy?  
  
"Hey, baby," she said to him, sexily. Bitch was obviously drunk. "Nah, I ain't drunk." Damn, she wasn't either. No alcohol on her breath. "I just think you're hot!"  
  
"Thank you, but we're a little busy here." He glared at his Nazgul, who were trying not to laugh.  
  
"Well, come and see me later, then," she said sexily, winking at him as she walked off. Then the Nazgul did burst out laughing. Sauron flicked them off and they ate their meal. As Sauron was paying their bill, Eowyn came up. "Hey baby!"  
  
Sauron screamed and ran off in the direction of Mordor, the Nazgul closely following him in case Eowyn tried her charms on them.  
  
As he watched Sauron running off screaming, Aragorn stepped out of the shadows. "Well done, Eowyn," he said to her.  
  
"Thank you. Do you think it worked?"  
  
"If not, we'll just try again."  
  
"When I'm done with him, he ain't gonna be no threat to anyone!"  
  
Laughing, they went to find every one else. 


	2. Revelations and Revenge

A/N: Someone requested I continue this. (Thanks addicted! And thanks for the review gratefuldeadfullyalive!) I figure, what the hell. It's not like I've got anything better to do. Someone else said they were a bit concerned for my sanity. (Thanks for the review and concern, Celebrindal!) I must say to this person: There is no reason to be concerned for my sanity. The explanation is this: I have none. That's right, I am completely insane. How else do you think I come up with this shit? Anyway, here goes.  
  
Sauron reached Mordor, ran up to his tower, shut the door and put on every lock he could find. After that, he barricaded the room with every piece of furniture within reach. Then he breathed a sigh of relief and sank down to the floor against the wall. That crazy bitch wasn't getting him in here!  
  
Meanwhile, 'that crazy bitch', a.k.a. Eowyn, was hanging around, watching Aragorn, attempting to be inconspicuous and not draw attention to herself. However, Eowyn didn't get the same thrill watching him that she used to. She wondered why, and her mind conjured up a vision of Sauron. You know, he was hot. Literally. And not really that bad looking. He'd seemed genuinely afraid of her, and that meant there was hope for his returning to the good side. She decided to go see if there was.  
  
A few days later. . .  
  
"Milord, someone here to see you," a servant-Orc said.  
  
"Send them in," said Sauron.  
  
Eowyn entered. "Sauron, I love you! I had this revelation and I just knew it was right!"  
  
Sauron stared. Then he stood, looked at her for a moment, and ran screaming back up to the tower. Stricken, depressed, and rejected yet again, Eowyn rode back to Minas Tirith.  
  
Aragorn of course noticed Eowyn's depressed state, so he asked her about it.  
  
"I have no luck with men," she said.  
  
"Who this time?" he inquired.  
  
"No. You'll hate me."  
  
"No, I won't!"  
  
"Fine. Sauron."  
  
"Okay. You want revenge?"  
  
"Yeah. . ."  
  
"Here's what we're gonna do." He whispered into her ear and she gave a delighted smile.  
  
During the battle with Sauron, Eowyn put Aragorn's plan into action. She pulled on a helmet, grabbed a sword, and took out all the Nazgul she could find. Then she took a horse and went in search of Sauron himself.  
  
Sauron was watching the battle with growing horror. Seven of his Nazgul had been slaughtered by that warrior. Then he saw that warrior walking towards him. The warrior swung his sword and Sauron was completely disabled.  
  
"If I may offer some advice," the warrior said, taking off his helmet, revealing Eowyn, "NEVER turn down a girl who can kick your ass!" And with that,s he took off his head at the, coincidentally, very same instant that Gollum and the Ring went down into Mount Doom.  
  
Later, Eowyn felt a small piece of satisfaction. There was a hot guy flirting with her, and she'd taken revenge on one of the guys who had spurned her. At least Aragorn had had good reason. . .Now. To concentrate on Faramir. . . 


	3. Alternate Ending

A/N: Okay, one of my reviewers said I did the ending wrong, but I like it, so I'm not changing it. What I will do though, is post this alternate ending and you can pick whichever you like.  
  
  
  
Sauron reached Mordor, ran up to his tower, shut the door and put on every lock he could find. After that, he barricaded the room with every piece of furniture within reach. Then he breathed a sigh of relief and sank down to the floor against the wall. That crazy bitch wasn't getting him in here!  
  
Meanwhile, 'that crazy bitch', a.k.a. Eowyn, was hanging around, watching Aragorn, attempting to be inconspicuous and not draw attention to herself. However, Eowyn didn't get the same thrill watching him that she used to. She wondered why, and her mind conjured up a vision of Sauron. You know, he was hot. Literally. And not really that bad looking. He'd seemed genuinely afraid of her, and that meant there was hope for his returning to the good side. She decided to go see if there was.  
  
A few days later. . .  
  
"Milord, someone to see you. A looker, if I may, sire."  
  
"Okay, send her in," Sauron replied, bracing himself for the onslaught he knew was coming.  
  
However, when Eowyn entered, she seemed sort of. . .strained. Exhausted, like she was fighting something. He looked at her, intrigued. He knew what that felt like.  
  
"Sauron," she said slowly. "There's no easy way to say this to anyone, but here goes. From the moment I saw you in the Lorien Café, I knew that there was something for me. I love you!" she said breaking down into tears.  
  
(A/N: This is where it's gonna get weird, especially for Sauron.)  
  
Sauron was touched by this display of affection. No one had ever loved him before. Even in school, when he'd approached women they'd only laughed. "Eowyn," he stated, "fear not, fair maiden, for I return thy affections! I have only just realized it, it hath come to me as a revelation, but I love thee!" (A/N: Someone wanna tell me where I came up with that?)  
  
Eowyn looked up, her eyes still shining with tears. "Really?"  
  
"Really really," Sauron assured her. Eowyn smiled in relief, and the new couple embraced joyfully.  
  
Meanwhile. . .  
  
The Evil White Wizard who is SO not as cool as Gandalf, a.k.a. Saruman, was watching this is his glass ball thingy with growing rage. When they embraced, he screamed in fury. "HE WAS MINE!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, Gandalf the White appeared in his study thing. "HA! I knew it!!!"  
  
Saruman turned red. Now it was complete. First the thing with the Ents, now this!  
  
Later on. . .  
  
The war stopped quite abruptly. No one knew why until they heard that Eowyn and Sauron were to marry. Aragorn, when he heard the joyous news, cocked his head and smiled. At least she'd found someone. . .  
  
Elven healing skills, courtesy of Elrond of Rivendell, rid Sauron of his nasty burn marks and scars. As it turned out, he was this really, really hot guy (a la Orlando Bloom w/o the Elf stuff, or Josh Hartnett in The Faculty) who was really nice. They married, had three great kids, and lived happily ever after. By the way, Aragorn and Arwen married!!!!!!! YAY!!!! Sorry, but if I can't have him, she's the next best thing, even though she STOLE GLORFINDEL'S PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
